Jacque's Journal Page
from the
Pitts to the Peak 2008 Summer Retreat
"The Result was Nil Until We Let Go Absolutely"
Here I am sitting at a picnic table at the Garden of the Gods. I've traveled from the "pit to the peak." Now is my time for reflection. How beautiful you are my God. You have brought me through death and have given me a new life. You've shown me the beauty and wonder of your creations: from caverns to waterfalls, to caves and up the highest peaks, to the garden of my God. How funny to have brought me back here to Colorado to be close to you. This is my spiritual place; I always find you here. I am surrounded by giants and trees and your beautiful mountains. I have not felt this degree of love and gratitude before. I trust you Abba. I know you love me more than I can completely fathom. I am feeling love for myself for the first time. You are the only reason I am able to love myself. How undeserving I am at these multiple chances at life, these beautiful gifts that you shower me with.
I cried out to your Father and you answered. You blessed me in my lowliest state. Thunder just rattled in the clouds above me as I pondered the depth of your strength and power. You are my protector, my knight, my rescuer, and my hero; so big and almighty yet gentle and loving to me. As the rain drops bounce off my skin, I pray that you would cleanse me Father of all self-hatred and self-disrespecting. I pray that you would cleanse my heart of all impurities and seal it with your love. Let me not harm myself or others, let me not run my self-will. (More thunder). Keep me in your presence under your wings. I do not want to stray from this thing. I died that Monday morning on June 3oth. Rise me up as a new creature in this new chance at life that you have given me. (Thunder again) How surreal this experience has been. How blessed I feel this new Monday morning. Only you can do these things. (Thunder) I am overwhelmed by your love in this moment. You are so beautiful my Lord. I give myself to you. I am yours
